If Internet Explorer were a car
I just wondered what it would be like if there were a car that behaved like
Internet Explorer.
- You’ll find it one morning in your driveway, and there is no way of removing it.
- The engine starts as soon as you approach it, which is a bit odd, but it seems to run smoothly enough not to pose a threat.
- Everybody else seems to drive the same car, so you give it a spin.
- It is pretty enjoyable to use – dead easy really. For example you don’t have to hit the gas pedal properly to accelerate, just putting your foot in the general surrounding is enough.
- It does swerve a bit in the bends and newer roads are a really bumpy ride, but that is a minor problem, surely whoever builds these cars must be working on that.
- For some reason, the roof leaks and when you ask others what can be done against that they advise you to wear a thick jacket made from a waterproof material. The best seems to be Symantex™.
- There is plenty of parking space around the area, but somehow all parking lots have advertising signs blocking the way. You are advised to get a CowCatcherXP2™ to get rid of those.
- After driving in some dark alleys a part of the windscreen shows advertisements for gambling arcades at random intervals. To get rid of those, you are advised to get a SpotwareRemoverTowel™. It takes some time and several attempts to get rid of the stains, but that is perfectly normal.
- From time to time you get overtaken by faster cars playing classical music, and smooth moving ones (even on the newer roads) with foxtails on the rear-view mirror. They do look flash, but why bother? The drivers seem to be weirdoes.
- On closer inspection, you see they attached things to their cars that make them a lot more comfortable to use. They tell you to get them in “extension shops” where the things are given away for free. When you ask for some, the shop tells you that you need to pay.
- If you park the car in your garage and close the door to work on it you’ll get a message that you really should be on the road to make repairs.
- If you try to change the colour of your car and fit nicer seats you realise that the paint never really covers all and the seats only fit when you fix them with a lot of adhesive tape. On the other hand it is really easy to change the colour of the tires and make the license plate fade in and out.
April 15th, 2005 at 6:39 pm
April 12th, 2005 at 8:53 pm
Think I’ll buy on of those faster cars playing classical music myself…….:-)
April 13th, 2005 at 5:04 am
it’s even better than that, the ones with the foxtails hanging off the mirror are free! [url]http://www.mozilla.org/products/firefox/[/url]
and they do as well with Bach as Beastie Boys ;-)
April 14th, 2005 at 5:10 pm
And…
While other cars use standard fuel, you find your car needs propietary gas. Standard gas makes your car quirkly.
If there isn’t any Micro$oft Gas Station in your town and you need to use regular, standard gas, you’ll need to add some “hack-additives”.
But remember, weird things could happen when you use standard additivated gas in other cars!!!
And finally: Remember to state your car model when you buy gas. Different models frequently need different gas formulas.
April 14th, 2005 at 10:56 pm
You forgot to mention the windshield wiper– that only works on the rear window. And the fact that it’s a two door, but the seat’s don’t move forward to let people in the back seat. Oh, and the window doesn’t go QUITE all the way to the top of the frame when you crank it up. Oh, and the paint– it doesn’t completely cover the body, it misses a pixel in every three. And the windows, which are made of .png glass . . .
Such a deal!
April 21st, 2005 at 8:55 pm
Chris just wondered what it would be like if there were a car that behaved like Internet Explorer.
Wait till …
April 22nd, 2005 at 4:30 pm
the car would be fine for me. no problems with it. it even runs over little red foxes in the street automatically.
April 27th, 2005 at 3:33 pm
however…
The IE car has much smoother suspension, you’ll hardly notice hitting a bump. nice!
The ads in the windscreen are only to those that park at dodgy rest areas and truck stops and such. Those who just use the car to get to where they want to go will have no such problems. Look at me! 200,000 miles and still a perfectly clean windscreen!
Luckily, the roof leaks get patched for you at the touch of a button. Much like a convertible with a regenerating skin for a roof. cool!
The foxtail sports car, reminds me of a Dodge Viper. Sure it looks snazzy and lean and mean, but one look under the hood, and the opposite is true. An 8 liter engine, guzzling up 19MB/window, compared to IE’s more economical 10MB/window. Other traffic seems to grind to halt once 10 Dodge Foxtail vipers are on the road, whereas 10 IE hatchbacks don’t make any difference.
Sometimes it’s not cool to drive the sports car. I prefer smooth suspension and economy to the “coolness” factor.
I can’t wait for the reactions hehe.